the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
