God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
