I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My ass is underappreciated
Floor bacon is actually really good
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
