JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
