i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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