96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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