Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
