the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
