Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Too much gin, very little bucket
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
