At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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