If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
