Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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