I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
