there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
