the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My brain says no but my pants say off.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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