I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
