no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
