K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
