Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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