Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
