a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
