I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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