HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
