May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
