you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
