There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
