that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
