I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this boner is exhausting
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
