How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
