So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
