my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i out mim tonsoeep
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