WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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