i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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