I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
