you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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