You made me cry and you don't even care
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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