So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
