if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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