So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
