I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
