hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
