Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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