wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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