I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
