either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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