so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
