have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
