she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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