You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
