I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
