also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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