Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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