can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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