I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
