It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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