dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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