New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
