Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if only i could text you this smell
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
