Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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