Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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