hotel room ftw
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
