My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
