his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
