just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
