Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
