I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
In the future we'll all be gay
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize