I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
two words...techno handjob
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
