hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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