The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Go christen that room with your naked body.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
