idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You are the jesus of drinking
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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