As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
